I have been locked away with men for three days solid thrashing about and getting rather hot under our collective collars.
But it has proved to be time well-spent.
The local branch of the Conservative Party is now ready to launch its latest campaign – Out of Tune. Out of Europe.
We are aiming to get the Eurovision Song Contest banned as a blatant example of dangerous xenophobia that is likely to cause deep divisions, hysterical over-reaction and war.
Do we want to go to war over some tuneless songs?
I think not.
That is why I’ve been working with two of the finest minds the local Conservatives have amongst its large and impressive membership.
Here are the Sir Michael J Whippy (left, heir to the ice cream empire) and Jim Northern-Ladd (right), yesterday, completing the cryptic crossword in The Shouty Villager in less than a week:
We know we already have media support for such a campaign.
The mutterings of discontent are growing by the hour and this Roshan Doug fellow seems the ideal type of pseudo-journalist (I believe they are called bloggers) to get on board for our campaign to add a bit of hysterical bite and ooomph.
As Mr Doug speaks for such an august periodical as The Birmingham Post, if we can get him to write one of his rambling and confused tirades in support of our campaign then we will surely gather further support. He is a man of the people and those people are ugly and revolting, just the types we need to encourage to join Out of Tune. Out of Europe.
Mr Doug makes reference to the darling Katie Boyle (or Caterina Irene Elena Maria Imperiali Di Francavilla to her closest friends) and Sir Michael J Whippy had the impressive idea to encourage her to become the face and voice of our campaign.
Moves are, therefore, afoot and in motion to secure her services.
The A-team – myself, Sir Michael J Whippy, Jim Northern-Ladd, Roshan Doug and Katie Boyle – could prove a force to be reckoned with and ultimately provide Out of Tune. Out of Europe with the success is so obviously deserves.
We will be asking Derek Belm Jnr – son of out esteemed editor – and Thick John’s daughter to create a website for us.
In the meantime, you can show your support here.
Go on then…
3 Comments
June 6, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Katie Boyle – ah what a lovely blast from the past!.. Just wanted to say that I came across Dr Roshan Doug last year when he gave a paper at a university in Wales. He was talking about the role poetry and the poet in the modern world. I can put a bet that he’s not the buffoon as you might want to believe. As he would say it’s merely a persona! He’s a very lively, passionate and intelligent man… Have a look at his poetry and see what a skilled wordsmith he is.
I like your blog.
June 7, 2008 at 6:32 am
Dear Dr Helen,
Please be assured I meant no slight on Dr Doug regarding the use of the term “buffoon”.
It is a traditional farming description of forthrightedness, keen intellect and bull-like stamina down our way.
In this historic context, I am proud to declare that some of my closest friends and the finest minds in the party are “buffoons” – as is our esteemed acting editor Derek Belm.
Yours in all faithfulness,
Laura Norder.
June 7, 2008 at 6:37 am
Acting Editor’s notelet:
Please be aware that this is not Ms Norder’s personal blog.
This is the community blog of The Shouty Villager newspaper and in that sense it is a vessel of the people at large – although I’m the actual factual boss.