by Frostbite Phil
For my first stab at blogging I’m taking a look at bicycling.
We’ve just witnessed another excellent Tour de Locale around the villages that of the Midlands.
A gruelling, seven-day marathon using only farm tracks and pavements, the tag-team race attracts the cream of the world’s cycling villagists.
Teams of two tackle the arduous route, with each taking a 90-minute turn at leading with the other member being towed along. After 90 minutes they swap positions.
This year’s winners were Jeremy Rhing-Binder and Alicia Gatefold, off of St Leonards-on-Sea. Here they were, yesterday:
They took the title and the plaudits after crossing the line just 0.9 seconds ahead of their nearest challengers - Lord and Lady Hardcastle of Hunstanton.
Far be it from me to raise a sour note after the achievement of Mr Rhing-Binder and Ms Gatefold, but I think it is an absolute disgrace they were allowed to even take part in the Tour de Locale let alone get presented with the winners’ trophy.
Where does one begin?
For a start off, they’re not even married. Yet here they are, brazenly going bicycling together in public.
Everyone seems to be happy to accept that they were a so-called “tag team”, but we all know that is a euphemism for something quite beastly that unmarried people simply shouldn’t be indulging in – whether in the privacy of their own homes, or on the street in public going past cafes and restaurants and stuff.
The disgraceful nature of their hollow victory does not end there. I have it on good authority that they shared a tent at the end of each race day.
Goodness only knows what they got up to after lights out.
The icing on this particular fondant fancy of foulness is the way they are dressed.
You can see Ms Klear-Foulder bare legs, all the way up to her lithe, shapely, tanned thighs. At least she is wearing a long-sleeved top, but believe me it was a breezy day yesterday and two very distinct parts of her frontage crossed the finishing line some distance ahead of the rest of her youthful body.
As for Mr Rhing-Binder, could he have chosen tighter shorts?
No wonder he’s looking so pleased for himself, especially given the fact that he’s enjoyed the company of the exceptionally perky Ms Gatefold (who I understand could well be his “Personal Assistant” and we all know what that is code for these days, don’t we?).
I raised my concerns directly with Ms Gatefold herself, but she is obviously a vehement feminist or something as she became quite emotionally hysterical.
It is a sad state of affairs when such sexualised imagery and shades of nakedness infest such a wholesome sporting occasion as the Tour de Locale.
We do not need to see such toned and ravishing bodies so clearly on display during what should be a family-friendly event, not a further example of the sexualisation of our society.
I trust the organisers will do their best to stamp such activity out before next season’s Tour de Locale gets under way as this has rather spoiled and soiled everything for me this year.
