by Frostbite Phil
One of the big dates in the golfing year has come around again.
That nice, safe, respectable, middle-class game has always been a bit of a mystery to me, but I like looking at the bright clothing.
The Midlands Ladies All-Comers Swing-a-thon – a day and night tournament spanning the best part of a week - has taken place at the Cock Robinson championship course out near to Henley-in-Arden.
It is with great pleasure that I can reveal that our local team of Catarina Strider and Jo-Jo Anne Mellon took the title with a -25 score – whatever that means.
Reports suggest Catarina and Jo-Jo Anne got off to a somewhat sluggish start, but began pulling off from the rest of the high class, low quality field of female competitors on the 4th day and eventually won by 4 shots.
The Shouty Villager’s resident photographer Bob Bastud caught up with the playful girls yesterday:
Both golfing girls were in fine fettle, reports Bob Bastud. He should know, it apparently took him the best part of a day and half a dozen changes of outfit (the girls, not Bob) for him to come up with just these two pictures.
Now, as you will have gathered already, I hate to put a dampener on things. But Bob Bastud said a few more things that frankly alarmed me to the very core of my soul.
He said both these ladies were “enthusiastic and purposeful swingers”. Purposeful? I ask you.
They both enjoy “playing around with either other women, or men, they ain’t fussy”. Also, Catarina likes to get ”some nice big wood in her hands” and as for Jo-Jo Anne she gets a real buzz from “nailing a big one”.
Frankly, I’m shocked at the blatant sexualisation of such a respectable, middle-class sport as golf.
They may well have gained an impressive victory in the All-Comers, but I would strongly suggest that both these young women take a long, hard look at themselves.
There are so many things I find deeply shocking and upsetting to my sensibilities about this, plus most other things in life.
For example, does Catarina’s top need to be quite so tight-fitting and showing off her womanly frame in such detail?
Is Jo-Jo Anne actually allowed out of her own house in such a skimpy outfit, let alone on a golf course? It leaves so little to the imagination, displaying such acreage of skin and curvaceousness that I’m left wondering why she even bothered getting dressed.
Young women today have to cope with the increasing sexualisation of society. I’m sure they don’t need fine sporting heroines such as this perky pair to be quite so brazen with their vivacious, alluring, captivating and fulsome youthfulness.
I shall be raising my concerns with (Retd) Col Edward “Spanky” Milne – captain of the club where these two ladies play around.
Spanky: 
I shall be wanting to know whether he tolerates such attire and attitudes and if I don’t get satisfactory answers I’ll be raising it with Mr Belm and suggesting The Shouty Villager’s sports pages imposes a boycott on golf completely.
If this is the norm, this is no sport for children to be encouraged to take up.
