Abnormal service resumes

by Derek Belm

Now that I have been released by my Russian kidnappers, I shall be cracking of the old whippet hereabouts.
A newspaper and newspaper blog without stories is like the Tory shadow cabinet – completely useless.
So I’ll be getting the staffage producing the printed version forthwith, of not sooner.
I’ll also be proverbially kicking the guest [...]

Pitfalls of penning Bonekickers with a villagist twist

by Mostyn (off of Dinsmore & Mostyn)

Father has been bitten by the writer’s bug.
After watching my dilatory twonk of a PA (that illiterate oaf Scotty) typing away at his little PineappleMac (or somesuch contraption), Father decided that there must be money to be made in writing words.
His aim, therefore, is to write the Christmas special of [...]

Return of the bloggists

by Henrietta Scuttlers

The Shouty Villager’s blogs have been unusually quiet this past week or so.
I should explain.
Prior to his departure for a working holiday tour of Europe with his wife (Mrs Belm), our esteemable editor-in-chief Derek left me with a “kitty” valued at several hundreds of pounds.
This was to pay for any unforseen expenses during [...]

A fitting tribute to a villagist icon

by Laura Norder

It is not often that the political divide is successfully straddled by a particular issue or individual.
There are usually too many differences of opinion to bring about consensus, such as the thorny subject of nudism on public beaches.
However, one person who continues to be all things to all people and who has a [...]

The ingredients of good TV

by Jimmy Rasher

My blogging has taken a back seat to cutlery selling and television watching.
But those two worlds collided in spectacular style last week.
I found myself stood on the doorstep of a large detached house in north Birmingham trying to persuade the lady of the manor to buy some forks when she said: “Aren’t you [...]

Are you a Village Vixen?

by Sammy-Lou Westwinds

The search is on to find the next big villagist clothes horse.
Village Vixen 2008 aims to find the best-looking villagist – probably a girl – to spend 12 months touring the country as the “Face of the Village”.
Applications are now open with the preliminary heats starting in August.
Those wishing to take part must [...]

Knitted diva to take Midlands by storm

by Henrietta Scuttlers

Experimental, avant garde knitted diva Pearl-1 has announced plans to stage her debut performance in the Midlands amidst threats of critical disdain and audience rioting.
The controversial alleged performance artist and singer polarises opinion like few others.
Some despise her work, the rest want to remove her from society completely.
As a result police, MI5, MI6, the fire [...]

Special relationships with colonial cousins

by Hugh G Leigh-Pithie

To the Sketch Club for a few snifters and plenty of stimulating and enlightened points of order.
The club, the drinking man’s debating chamber of choice, attracts some of the finest minds of the village and farther afield.
Indeed, it has been said that some even come from swanky Birmingham to partake of a [...]

Cinema re-opens after make-over

by Henrietta Scuttlers

I’ve always loved hanging out in the back row of cinemas, so I was delighted to receive an invite to the grand re-opening of our local picture house and off-licence.
Kino & Vino has undergone an exhaustive and cheap 14-year refurbishment which means it can now play movies with sound and everything.
The grand gala re-opening [...]

Top DJs to play VillageVoltz 08

by Sammy-Lou Westwinds

This is turning into a top summer for music.
Thanks to our enigmatic boss, everyone at Derek Belm & Sons is off to Glastonbury today with J-Z whilst Mr Belm prepares for this W.O.R.D.S.C.A.M.P. thing.
This will kick-start a summer of fantastic music events and festivals around the area. But now I hear of the [...]