Abnormal service resumes

by Derek Belm

Now that I have been released by my Russian kidnappers, I shall be cracking of the old whippet hereabouts.
A newspaper and newspaper blog without stories is like the Tory shadow cabinet – completely useless.
So I’ll be getting the staffage producing the printed version forthwith, of not sooner.
I’ll also be proverbially kicking the guest [...]

The Shouty Villager Business Awards – July ‘08

by Hugh Janus
I’m stepping up to the plate this month as our editor-in-chief and all-round tosser Derek Belm is still on his holidays.
The July monthly winner of The Shouty Villager Business Awards ‘08 is a bit of a throw-back to a bygone age where things were simpler and sharper.
Orla Quivers are manufacturers of arrows for [...]

Abandon children, not examinations

by Sandra Stallyon

I am refreshed, revitalised and invigorated from a short holiday with an old staff member and friend.
I visited eastern England’s premier coastal village, Tepid-next-the-Sea, to spend some quality time with Elspeth Grinder who is now head mistress of the local school there.
Ms Grinder came to me as a recently qualified Mathematics teacher in [...]

Food on the move

by Thick John

Exciting news! If you can stomach that kind of thing, obviously.
In my absence from the village, one of our local take-aways has introduced a delivery service.
Whilst we were all getting drunk and disorderly thanks to the flighty sort Henrietta putting Belm’s money to good use, local eatery Pie-hole’s (owned by Stevie Pie-Hole) has [...]

Return of the bloggists

by Henrietta Scuttlers

The Shouty Villager’s blogs have been unusually quiet this past week or so.
I should explain.
Prior to his departure for a working holiday tour of Europe with his wife (Mrs Belm), our esteemable editor-in-chief Derek left me with a “kitty” valued at several hundreds of pounds.
This was to pay for any unforseen expenses during [...]

A lesson in basic economics

by Edward Framley

I have no knowledge whatsoever of financial matters, the stock market and suchlike, because when you’re as independently wealthy as myself there is absolutely no reason to fret.
But I won’t let that stop me from expressing an opinion or three about what is euphemistically described as a crunching credit crisis.
It hasn’t stopped others [...]

Are you a Village Vixen?

by Sammy-Lou Westwinds

The search is on to find the next big villagist clothes horse.
Village Vixen 2008 aims to find the best-looking villagist – probably a girl – to spend 12 months touring the country as the “Face of the Village”.
Applications are now open with the preliminary heats starting in August.
Those wishing to take part must [...]

Editorial changes

by Derek Belm

I have now been upgraded off of acting editor to actual factual Editor-in-Chief, which is nice.
I’ve put on my new swellings to celebrate with the newspaper’s staffage and guest bloggers:

Everyone is really pleased and excited, particularly myself.
The reasons for my upgradation are obvious and pirate-related, but I plan to actually factually revolutionise the [...]

Local butcher supplies top eateries

by Thick John

I’m writing this with my food and drink commentator’s helmet on.
News in the village says that our local butchery and pet store – The Flesh and the Furry – has won a couple of prestigious orders.
The firm is to supply meat-based products to two of the leading eateries in the Midlands – Blunderers [...]

Special relationships with colonial cousins

by Hugh G Leigh-Pithie

To the Sketch Club for a few snifters and plenty of stimulating and enlightened points of order.
The club, the drinking man’s debating chamber of choice, attracts some of the finest minds of the village and farther afield.
Indeed, it has been said that some even come from swanky Birmingham to partake of a [...]