Abnormal service resumes

by Derek Belm

Now that I have been released by my Russian kidnappers, I shall be cracking of the old whippet hereabouts.
A newspaper and newspaper blog without stories is like the Tory shadow cabinet – completely useless.
So I’ll be getting the staffage producing the printed version forthwith, of not sooner.
I’ll also be proverbially kicking the guest [...]

The Villager Debates – BikerFest, good or bad?

This is the inagau…inaugr…inaggr…the first of The Villager Debates which we hope will become a regular fixture.
We’ll be asking two of our guest bloggers to discuss the pro’s and con’s of a particular issue or subject.
First up we’ve got a clash of female proportions as Henrietta Scuttlers and Laura Norder go head to chest (Henrietta [...]

Summer health tips #4 – keeping kids happy

by Oona Flucker

One of the greatest health problems of summer is children.
Having them around the house instead of safely enclosed in school for most of the daylight hours can provoke feelings of high anxiety and mounting stress even the most placid and well-meaning of folk.
If the weather is foul then such problems can be multiplied. [...]

Return of the bloggists

by Henrietta Scuttlers

The Shouty Villager’s blogs have been unusually quiet this past week or so.
I should explain.
Prior to his departure for a working holiday tour of Europe with his wife (Mrs Belm), our esteemable editor-in-chief Derek left me with a “kitty” valued at several hundreds of pounds.
This was to pay for any unforseen expenses during [...]

An inglorious 12th

by Mostyn (off of Dinsmore & Mostyn)

I was awakened on Saturday morning by Father, who had decided to take Dinsmore and myself out into the countryside for some shooting.
This was, of course, because it was “The Glorious Twelth”.
Now, there are two “twelths” – the first (12 July) is the day on which Protestant Loyalists march [...]

Summer health tips 3 – watch out for wildlife

by Oona Flucker

I have been inundated today with people coming into the pharmacy concerned about the possibility of finding wildlife in their undergarments.
It stems from the case of a silly girl who found a baby bat in her bra.
Villagers have been wondering whether there is any ointment available should they find something small and furry in their smalls.
Obviously, [...]

Knitted diva to take Midlands by storm

by Henrietta Scuttlers

Experimental, avant garde knitted diva Pearl-1 has announced plans to stage her debut performance in the Midlands amidst threats of critical disdain and audience rioting.
The controversial alleged performance artist and singer polarises opinion like few others.
Some despise her work, the rest want to remove her from society completely.
As a result police, MI5, MI6, the fire [...]

Special relationships with colonial cousins

by Hugh G Leigh-Pithie

To the Sketch Club for a few snifters and plenty of stimulating and enlightened points of order.
The club, the drinking man’s debating chamber of choice, attracts some of the finest minds of the village and farther afield.
Indeed, it has been said that some even come from swanky Birmingham to partake of a [...]

“Save the Local Chippy” campaign starts here

by Edward Framley

The very fabric of what put the “great” into Great Britain in the first place is apparently being torn asunder.
Post offices are closing.
Birmingham might not have any library at all the way things are going.
And thieves are stealing vegetables from allotments – although we can at least be assured that the scumbags responsible [...]

Good villagers spy on each other

by Laura Norder

I am somewhat alarmed and disappointed at a communique from party HQ regarding CCTV and surveillance.
It seems our leaders want us to tone down the snooping and spying that goes on, some bally nonsense about civil liberties and an over-zealous use of powers.
They believe the excellent equipment we have at our disposal is [...]